Sick Days: The Art of Wallowing

HeadIconWhat fresh hell is the summer cold? You can’t ignore it, but it’s also the lowest rung of the minor leagues of illness – real, but nobody’s taking it super seriously.

I write this late on a Sunday morning, I have a call at 10:30 then I’m off to visit my parents. I have the terrible feeling that elves stole into my home last night and replaced my lungs with filthy, wet towels. If I had to describe how I feel, the best thing I can come up with is I feel like an electric screwdriver left unplugged too long – I can turn, but I ain’t screwing nothing anytime soon.

SickThis has been going on for about five days, yesterday I decided I needed to stop running around and concentrate on healing. For me this entails forcing myself to lay down and manage the boredom of decrepitude. Clearly there’s no replacement for “rest”, but it’s just so…tedious! Saturday was a bust, I couldn’t bring myself to fully capitulate, resulting is some rest but more thinking about resting. Today will bring more of the same, so I’ll need to draw a line in the sand on Monday.

Now, I’m a grown-ass man, and I’ve been taking care of myself for a LONG time but that doesn’t mean I’m any good at it. I’ve been blessed with robust good health, and I’m forever taken off-guard when the eventual happens, leaving me scrambling for solutions. Unfortunately, my strategies all seem to have been developed when I was eight and haven’t improved materially in the interim.  Because I’m a humanitarian, I’ll share what I’ve done so far.

Dr. Gillis’ Olde Timey Cold Remediation

  • NyQuilRansack Bathroom for Over the Counter Drugs – I’ve got band-aids from the Clinton administration, and often find myself throwing away aspirin and Advil’s when I see expiration dates from the previous century. That said, I did find Mucinex and NyQuil of recent vintage, and am in hopes this will trigger miraculous healing.
  • crackersPurchase Soup and Saltines – Why? I don’t know, seemed like a good idea at the time. Didn’t realize crackers were only sold in four-sleeve boxes that could feed a family of three…thought about getting a bag of oyster crackers but it didn’t seem traditional (therefore non-magical in it’s properties).
  • KillersBuy Movies on Amazon – Sure, I’ve got 500 channels plus endless streaming options on Netflix and AmazonPrime, but heaven forbid I run the risk of not having something stupid to watch while I’m jacked up on NyQuil. So I got the new blu ray’s of “The Killers”, the “Jurassic Park Collection”, “Eraserhead” and the crown jewel “Batman – The Movie” (which is a revelation I’ll write about in future).
  • ArkhamCityDownload “Arkham City” on PS3 – Clear proof I’m delirious. I don’t play video games, the few forays I’ve taken into that world (primarily to stay up on the culture) have ended in humiliation. I was able to master “Little Big Planet”, but that’s a whimsical romp, no street cred there. And somebody said “Arkham City” was the best Batman movie I’ve never seen. I continue to be humiliated (on the novice setting mind you), but I’ll admit it’s hypnotic – may be a good part of future illness wallowing.

It’s now Monday evening, I’ve spent the day executing the above therapeutic regimen.  Truth be told, I’m pretty sure the mere passage of time and my reasonably reliable immune system will be the real heroes, but I’ll cling to my old voodoo. “Real life” has a way of filling the spaces in our lives, not to mention if you’ve got goals beyond the commonplace, so there are worse things than taking a day to act like a big baby from time to time.

Random Note: I’m sure I’ll convince myself it’s time to head back to the office in the morning, but there’s one thing this little break has taught me. I’ve become way too “multi-tasky” when I watch film, the phone and laptop are always within reach – which just kills emotionally connecting to something that already requires suspension of disbelief – one thing at a time baby!