Journal – 1/26/17: Ungrateful, Mindless and Whiny

It’s been awhile since I’ve journaled, as usual that has more to do with me letting life get on top of me than lack of nonsense to spew – my sabbatical ended, a new job took its place, a grand-niece was born, I got a kidney stone (I’m still waiting to give birth to), we had a family reunion, and on a surface level I enjoyed every minute of it. On a deeper level, as happens from time to time, I’ve had the feeling of experiencing life rather than living it. Losing touch with my goals, and reverting instead to habit. I have good habits, and I’ve got bad habits – the good ones take care of themselves, but my bad habits tend to fall under the umbrella of laziness. Continue reading Journal – 1/26/17: Ungrateful, Mindless and Whiny

Journal – 1/26/17: Keys

Fumbling to find the key to the Master lock protecting the treasures in my storage cage, I wondered why it took so long to find it. I have a ridiculous number of keys on this ring, ridiculous because I don’t know what half of them fit.

This got me thinking about two things; one, I need to throw away a bunch of these keys and, two, is my key-ring a metaphor? How many psychic “keys” do we carry around in life to locks we’ll never encounter, or have long abandoned? Once useful tools that now weigh us down for no reason. Continue reading Journal – 1/26/17: Keys

Journal – 11/23/16: Because I Can

MeSmallThirteen days ago I began a new sabbatical, then promptly lost track of why I took sabbatical to begin with – a loved one in pain, a political choice akin to hiring a florist to do your plumbing and some self-pity that things in general weren’t working out exactly the way I wanted.  Being distracted isn’t anything new for me, it’s the reason I put so much stock in personal goals, which is why these thirteen days won’t become thirteen months. I thought I’d share my slate of personal initiatives with you, dear reader, both as a way to think out loud, and to refine what I’m really hoping to accomplish. Continue reading Journal – 11/23/16: Because I Can

Journal – 7/04/16: Decisions, Dedication and Dummies

Firework_IconHappy 4th of July Y’all! Clearly I’ve been less than dedicated to this journal, always a clear indication that I’ve been drifting, or more to the point that I didn’t want to admit my drifting. I’ll always be honest with you here, which from time to time means fessing up to less than stellar behavior. Of course, the huge gaps in my journal entries point to the bad habit of not wanting to admit what a slacker I’ve been. I’ve lamented in the past that I’d prefer to be a heroin addict or alcoholic, to simply being lazy if for no other reason than it would make me seem more tortured (and would be a neat explanation for these fallow phases that recur in my life). Continue reading Journal – 7/04/16: Decisions, Dedication and Dummies

The Creative Ember – Death, Prince and Me

02_PrinceWhen Prince died I was writing an IT proposal to get a Federal contract. If you’d have told me that either of those things (Prince dying at 57, me leaving commercial art for filthy lucre) when “Purple Rain” came out – I would have punched you. Making accommodations to self-sufficiency were still years off, and I had years of struggle and failure ahead of me, I lived in a bubble of artistic delusion. I’m writing today to say, I wasn’t all wrong. Continue reading The Creative Ember – Death, Prince and Me

Out of the Past: My Evening with Ed

PrettyWomanMy evening with Ed is a true story, the mists of time have obscured some details, but the core is seared into memory. There are certain touchstones from my youth, usually involving the curtain being pulled back on the darker corners of human nature, that served as the cautionary tales I used to shape who I wanted to be. And my evening with Ed was one of the most powerful. Continue reading Out of the Past: My Evening with Ed