It’s been awhile since I did a straight “diary” entry, which is weird because that’s what this journal is primarily for. An online ego observation tool, to keep me honest – and just to note things that I’m likely to space out.
Right off the bat, I have to say these last two weeks are perfect examples of how useless “being in your head” is. I’ve been churning on a significant decision (related to employment) – one path requires negotiation, the other doesn’t. While I’m leaning toward the unilateral, the negotiated path may be more practical. This is where I’ve been in my head, running simulations of a fantasy negotiation while in the real world, I can’t find anybody to negotiate with. Patience is a virtue, but knowing when indecision is masquerading as patience is a vital skill. Which leads me to…
The Scourge of Indecision
I’ve been TALKING way too much about this topic. I’m genuinely horrified by my behavior over the past two weeks; getting up late, dragging my feet over the most trifling of decisions, choosing inaction over action. I “know” what’s causing it, but that knowledge isn’t meaningful, it’s the behavior that needs to change. In a nutshell – I will lump unrelated things together in my brain, example: “I schedule 1.5 hours for the gym, I get up late giving me only 1 hour, oh, I should just watch TV.” This isn’t conscious, it’s just a pattern that’ll play itself out before I even notice it.
The real issue is me getting bogged down in mental details and not habitually choosing action. If I’m being passive I guarantee you my brain is in overdrive, not doing anything useful – just dumb-thinking. To snap myself out of it, all I have to do is act. Even something stupid like doing the dishes, or more fruitful like re-writing my novel, anything but waxing philosophic in my melon. I know this to be true, I’ve known it since I was 35 (when I began putting childish thing behind me), but knowing what to do and doing it are two distinct and unrelated universes.
Another thing I’ve left behind me is viewing this behavior as “bad”, it’s just not valuable, and life’s too short to dwell in low-value time killing. I’ve let myself get distracted from my short-term goals, that will be my focus for the coming week. Doing that will end this silly phase, and free my energies up for the more ambitious goals to come.
Gobsmacked by Uncle Sam
Oh, and unless you think my distraction and indecision is all just random ennui – I stroked off a 10K check to the IRS on Wednesday which I wasn’t expecting, and the surprise was not a pleasant one. On the upside, I was able to pay it, preventing any indentured servitude but man, that’s some powerful juju. No excuse for knocking me off my game, but it did a good job of occupying my brain for a few days!
Daredevil on Netflix
As long as I’m being paralyzed with sloth, might as well be entertained – so I watched Daredevil on Netflix! I was cautiously optimistic, but unprepared for the excellence of this piece. Charlie Cox as Matt Murdoch – awesome, Vincent D’Onofrio – awesome, Rosario Dawson, Deborah Ann Woll, that pudgy guy playing Foggy – all excellent.
The creators have successfully transcended the genre, turning what could have been for a niche audience only into something operatic (and crazy violent) that’s accessible to anyone who likes a good crime story. Like a “Law & Order” for “Game of Thrones” fans, a procedural set in a slightly bent reality. The villain is compelling, genuinely terrifying but understandably so. You don’t root for him, but you get where he’s coming from. And the blind-but-radar-seeing Matt Murdoch that Charlie Cox creates is a perfect balance of cocky, haunted, driven and conflicted, you sincerely want him to succeed but you also want him to quit and take better care of himself.
I’m stoked to see what Netflix has planned for the other “street level” hero’s, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage and Iron Fist. The obvious care and joy of telling a great story that saturates every frame of Daredevil gives me high hopes.
Spring is Sprung-ing
Just a quick note of thanks to the universe for such a spectacular display of rebirth here in VA. Two weeks ago I could see well past the buildings across the street, and on to the buildings beyond. Right now I can barely make out my parking lot through the flowers and leaves. The one price is the powerful dumping of pollen on my poor truck (not to mention the birds seem to have taken a dislike to it as well). But there ain’t no free rides, and if breathing in fist-fulls of fiber for a few week is what I’ve got to put up with for this awesome beauty – so be it!