Tuesday, December 29

Hail hosanna, I got to the gym this morning, felt awesome, now to see if I can do the two-a-day tomorrow.

I can be remarkably lazy, one of the expression of this is that I drive my truck about 1 block to the top of the hill, to avoid both the hill and the freezing cold. And on this particular morning, it afforded me the opportunity to formally meet one of my neighbors, who I've said "hi" to a million times but never actually met. I asked her if she wanted a ride to the top of the hill, and not being a fool she said yes, took her glove off and said "I've never introduced myself, my name's Dasha". I come to find out she's pursuing an MBA at GW, is Russian (which I'd figured, but you never know), and is a terribly sweet girl. It was a great way to start my morning, and reminds me that there are always opportunities to get windows into new worlds through simple acts of kindness (like a ride up a hill).

That being said, I fear my MP3 player was ripped off at the office today, makes me sad to know there are such random and petty crimes committed all the time. On the upside, I've got an excuse to get a newer, bigger one.

Okay, time to hit the sack and get a good nights sleep in before another cold morning in my shorts!

Monday, December 28

Didn't make it to the gym today, went to bed late, woke up late, you get what put in. I've got two days to right my ship, and regain footing as I head into the new year.

One thing I feel compelled to commend, even though it may mean the end of many relationships and possibly western civilization, is Netflix. During a holiday conversation, as my nephew and myself regaled our less than interested family in this awesome service, someone asked "but really, why should we get Netflix?" To which Josh said simply "It's just, the-best-invention-ever". This is the exact same comment my friend Pierre made during "Kill Bill Vol. 1", with a look I can only describe as glee on his face when the anime sequence started, he said to no one in particular "this is the-best-movie-ever". I say this only to point out how rare it is when we don't only get what we want, but get more and better of what we want than we could have imagined during the initial wanting.

Don't know what got me on that tangent, need to get to bed!

Sunday, December 27

Oh lordy, has this been a wonderful holiday season or what? Had a blast with the family, a great day with Kitten, have eaten like a pig, then continued to eat like a pig, and now it's time to get back in the game.

The snow really screwed up my workouts, didn't get a single one in last week, and I've lost focus. Nothing horrible, but coming so early in my push, I need to take it seriously. I've got a number of things I need to get taken care of this week, dry cleaning, car inspection, return a wireless router I gave as a gift, start the design and execution of a website for an author out in CO.

And regain focus, focus is a tough thing to define, and it's not about "doing" things. It's a state of mind where I'm aware of myself in the moment and how the moment feeds the next. As always, it's best to start with the fundamentals, bed time, wake time, daily workout, proper diet and written goals. I'm also concerned about my work, it's one of the reasons I had requested that my shortened work week begin in October, its an adjustment best made when things are humming at the office. Making the adjustment as everyone's heading out for vacation is more difficult, but of course, if everything was easy it wouldn't be worth doing.

So, I look forward to writing this journal every day between now and the end of the year, and getting the new years journal up and running on time. Also need to update my Major Purpose section of the site, get my goals lined up and have a better tracking system for the year to come.

Jeez, what a shitty journal entry, you'd think after a week off I'd have wacky stories to regale you with!

Sunday, December 20

We had an excellent snow-magedeon here in VA on Saturday, and I got in a little exercise shoveling the neighborhood, and ensuring safe passage for all of the small dogs.

I've really gotten nothing done that I wanted to have done since I started the short week, and it's time to turn that ship around. It's been five days since I've been in the gym, only two of those attributable to the weather. I've let my goals become negotiable, and they really aren't, if it snows, I need to schedule exercise indoors here. When I have a spare moment, I need to open the novel, not the Netflix menu on the PS3.

Nip it in the bud time.

Friday, December 18

Uh oh, something funny's going on in my belly, am not a fan of all this gastrointestinal unpredictability. They're calling for some kind of snow-based armageddon tomorrow, so this was going to be my day to get all my stuff done. A trip to the grocery store, at 10:00 am, resulted in a good 1.5 of shopping and standing and the first inklings that something wasn't quite "right" with the old guts. I RACED home, and crossed the finish line in the nick of time. Since then, I've pretty much been face down, fearful of being caught too far from home base.

This bit of ill'in has me a little concerned, haven't worked out for four days, and if the weather traps the girl-sled that is my Ranger, it'll be a few more days before I do. Well, that's the season baby, no reason to curse the weather. Need to figure out an in-apartment workout to get me through this.

Be that as it may, this time at the computer is bringing me down, need to get back to the couch.

Thursday, December 17

Had an interesting (and paradigm challenging) meeting in a suburb of Baltimore today, in a location that for a two-month period five years ago, I had memorized like the back of my hand (I'll tie this up later). The client, my consult-pimp and myself had lunch at a place called CIBO, which was as close to deserted as restaurants get. The hostess, who looked very much like a stripper with delusions of grandeur, when asked if we could get our meal in a timely fashion, replied with exasperation "I JUST put in an order for, like, nine people" as if this would explain all poor service to come. It was an interesting lunch otherwise, the client had requested me specifically, which in itself blew me away, and the challenge is something I'd love to tackle. This situation is still in the noodle-factory of my brain, will need to come to a conclusion by Sunday.

So, I'm leaving, feeling amazingly confident I'd simply retrace my steps home. I failed this task, and found myself going the wrong way on the Baltimore beltway (ignorant of this face), till I saw the exit for 95. It became clear I was on the OTHER side of Baltimore, and after paying the $2 toll, was on the nerve-wracking trip through the tunnel. This is the last time I drive without return directions, a trip through Baltimore is not something I'm a huge fan of.

Wednesday, December 16

Uh oh, missed my first daily journal AND missed my workouts two days running, while such hiccups are to be expected, need to make sure it's JUST a hiccup. Stayed at the office way too late both yesterday and today, however, I do enjoy the end of day conversations with Richard (and/or Dave) which usually are the highlight of my day. It's really like a happy hour, but no booze.

Had a nice lunch with my client today, got a lot of traction getting what will be my primary task (depending on how the meeting tomorrow goes) for the next few months. So, all in all, a good work week with little in the way of shenanigans.

Got my Netflix fix in the mail, and am going to watch an episode of "Inspector Morse", then hit the sack for an early date with projectile sweating.

Monday, December 14

So, I stared down the barrel of my commitment to my goals, and blinked like somebody threw lemon juice on me. Had to stop by CVS on the way home to grab some saline solution, and while I gave some mental lip service to sticking to my guns, I walked out of there with a fist full of PopTarts. Man, talk about the spirit being weak! Well, not going to dwell on my perfidy, just need to stay focused for the rest of the week, and be good.

Have a meeting on Thursday that could have some significant ramifications, or not, and it's nice to be in a position where it's just a straight up choice. No drivers other than what I think is best for me, and that's a hell of a blessing.

Okay, need to get to bed on time. Don't know why, but had very restless sleep last night, woke up and there were pillows all over the place, looked like I had a lot more fun than I did.

Sunday, December 13

Alrighty, looks like I can start adding more to my plate, I've made it two weeks working out consistently and have to step up on my long term goals. Filling my imagination with the world of "Black Nouveau" (my novel), and simply imagining in general. I noticed this morning that I was having some difficulty visualizing my workout, and that's usually a signal that my general imagination "muscle" is a little out of order. So, start small, visualize often, start writing.

Looks like the Redskins are going to win their fourth this year, its funny, feels like it's been forever since I was able to really root for those bastards. I can't tell you how vibrant the memory of them getting beaten in the Super Bowl in '72 is, and it's not a happy memory. But I've been with 'em from the beginning of my fandom, and I guess I always will be.

Big week ahead people, I've had two good weeks of shaking out my approach, and now it's show time.

Saturday, December 12

Lordy, I worked out my lets for the first time in a very long time today, and this needs to remain a central focus for me. My knees alternately feel like either broken glass, or wet paper towels, depending on the day of the week. And it makes me fear the leg workout, which I'm sure contributes to the aforementioned knee feeling. Long story short, I need to accept that I'll never have the leg strength I once had, and that I can still have very strong legs. I simply can't take the abuse that I've historically heaped up on my lower body, and will need to content myself with lower weight, full range exercises.

It was a funny kind of day, not bad, but lacking in forward momentum. I'm finding my scheduling to me lacking, and I have to relearn this skill. Putting a bunch of things down on paper to do, is very different from putting together real synergy for the day. I'm still in the early stages of turning things around, and this is something I need to experiment with consciously. A good daily schedule for days where I don't "have" to do anything, has been a strength before, and has become a weakness that I need to fix. One day at a time baby.

Friday, December 11

Ooops, I Netflixed myself again, and blew my whole schedule today. It is crack, it is dangerous to my goals, and it needs to be just one of my scheduled activities during a given day. While I got my morning workout in, the combo of overindulgence at the Vietnamese Buffet and an impromptu showing of "Good Night, and Good Luck" (plus dark, chilly outside) conspired to have me spend this late afternoon in.

I spoke with the Colorado mystery author this afternoon, and we're good to go on getting her site up and running. It'll be a nice challenge for me because it's for a distinctly female audience, and I tend to be a little Teutonic in my design approach. Either way, looking forward to it!

Had lunch with my buddy Alex, and he's quickly approaching the end of his Master's degree, four days to be precise, and he should be duly proud of himself for sticking with it to the end. However, his choice of the aforementioned buffet shows the clear difference between his ectomorphic self, and my endomorphic fat ass, that place was nothing but grease and starch, tasty, but not helpful in my pursuit of less of me.

Thursday, December 10

Well, this was not one of my more impressive days, I got up late and it just went south from there. I lacked focus, and just sort of went with that as a theme for the day. The most productive thing I did was hit the comic shop, and that is far from productive. Getting to sleep so late yesterday plus not having a schedule to meet today conspired to bring up my worst impulses. But, these are the stumbling blocks we encounter when effecting change in ourselves, our worst angels tend to embrace the known, and shun shaking up the paradigm. All of this lethargy was NOT helped in the least by my establishing connection between my PS3 and Netflix. I imagine heroin has a similar effect.

Paradoxically, I spoke with a former employer who told me an old client asked for me by name (my current customer doesn't ask for me by name) to do a very interesting project. While I need to bear in mind that EVERY new project sounds awesome until you dig under the hood, I'm looking forward to learning more. This is will cause an interesting decision point, I'm just now enjoying the benefit of working a reduced schedule, and that has huge upside for me, while I am doing something that is a tad less than challenging. Time, discussion, and reflection will tell.

Wednesday, December 9

Yikes, got to waxing philosophic at the office, then a long phone call while walking to the subway, and long story short didn't make it home till 8:30! Needless to say, that blew my dreams of a harsh leg workout. Alas, it was worth it, I'm fortunate to work with a couple of interesting people and the conversation was wide ranging and entertaining. I do need to focus more attention on getting some regular dinner companions during the week, good conversation seems to be getting harder to find, and it's a vital part of my internal processes.

Be that as it may, it's important to leverage tomorrow to the fullest extent, this weekend is intended to build on the last where my sole focus was to ensure I met all of my obligations in addition to instantiating the workout routine. Now the challenge is to blend in some quality creative time, and of course, a little fun.

Tuesday, December 8

Okay, this was a two-a-day workout day, and let me tell you, this will not be a long journal entry! Need to shower, and scoot off to bed, to start the cycle at five again tomorrow.

Lesson learned: need to be jetting from the office no later than 5:30, even a slight delay pushes my arrival to the gym past 7:00, and using tonight as a measuring stick, I need to shoot more for 6:30ish.

I'm profoundly happy with my psychology these past 12 days, and am realizing more and more how integrated mind (emotional state) and body are. True, a profoundly obvious observation, but I do wonder...we are our only point of comparison when it comes to internal emotional state, and we're incremental creatures by nature, so the idea that "you'll notice" when things start to go south is somewhat stupid.

Be that as it may, it's 8:16 and I need to be face down my 9:00, so peace out people!

Monday, December 7

Got my morning workout in, but bailed on my evening lift, so I'll need to be extra perky tomorrow. My nephew Ellory got me involved in helping a mystery writer out in Colorado to set up a site, and this will be a good opportunity to help a fellow artist and solve the mystery of WordPress. I'm planning on a major overhaul of this site, but it's many hundreds of pages, and I'd rather have a smaller project to sharpen my chops. It's also interesting because it's a very feminine model, and with all of the corporate harshness I normally deal with, it'll be a real design challenge.

Had an interesting insight, and just want to make note of it for future reference. I've noticed that the relative success and personal accomplishment someone achieves is directly proportional to how likely they are to believe in conspiracy theories and the notion of "secrets". This is an affliction that seems to settle in between 35 and 40, and just takes deeper root the longer people live. My gut tells me it's a roundabout way to "explain" why they haven't "made it", it couldn't possibly be "them", so there must be something deeper, something darker. It's profoundly sad.

Well, enough deep thinking, need to hit the sack, and be ready for that 5:00 am slap in the face.

Sunday, December 6

Those goddamn Redskins, I swear, they almost lured me into sloth today. They were playing a tough, hard game against an opponent nobody gave them a shot against, and up through half-time were looking like Kings! But something told me "no", don't fall for it, they're a tease, they'll find some way to lose, get up and get out of this apartment! So I went to the gym, the game on in the corner of my eye, and as I passed the 25 minute mark on the stairmaster, I watched them lose. And felt good that at least I hadn't succumbed to the siren call of the couch!

Jesus, outside of those losers putting the petite-mal bummer into my day, this was a pretty productive and excellent end to the weekend. Got the laundry done, prepared awesome food for the week, ran a few errands and am ready to watch some Sherlock Holmes on PBS.

Last week was about the body, this week I start work on my spirit. It's complicated, but I've gotten so practical, I've lost my taste for madness. And for what my ambitions are, I need some crazy. Fusing my goals with an overwhelming desire, that's my challenge, and I just need to let my imagination soar a bit. There are no limits to my ambitions, and to realize them, I need to clear all other limits in my psyche.

Saturday, December 5

It's a beautiful (well, sort of ugly really, but any snow is good snow) snowy day, though very grey and cold. I had an appointment at 10:00 this morning to discuss a friends short story, which caused me to shift my grocery shopping to early morning. Not to any great surprise, my friend had been out till around 4:00 in some random carnal pursuit, and bailed on our session. Then I remembered why it was Saturday was always my "off" day, and it's the parking in Arlington, or lack thereof. All of my other workouts fall at times when parking isn't an issue (before 8:00 am, after 6:00 pm), and I just hadn't planned my day well enough to offset a general sense that it was a good day to take off.

Well, as long as I find that indeed, this cloudy Saturday is the only day I take off before next Saturday, then I'll be on track. So, stay tuned people. Now, I'm going to put on some sweat pants, grab a diet coke and watch "The Matrix" on BluRay....mmmmmmmmBluRay.

Friday, December 4

Funny day today, did a lot of cleaning, or more specifically a lot of throwing things away. For as little a space as I live in, I swear to god it feels like I'm cleaning a mansion the way I squirrel things away (then space them out). The casual observer wouldn't really notice anything, most of my time was spent in my horribly discordant closets. But it's cathartic to toss old bits and pieces of the past, memento's of things that now seem so insignificant, but once consumed the mind.

I have to admit, I was supposed to do my leg day at the gym, but I just bailed, and did my aerobics only. One thing I need to keep reminding myself is that this is a marathon, not a sprint, and consistency will win the day where spotty intensity will not. I've been known to convince myself not to do the 40 minutes of aerobics because it's "not enough", hilarious. Compared to night on the couch sucking down chips, walking to the grocery store is high achievement.

Need to get my schedule together for the next couple of days, I don't want to lose the momentum I've been building, and it looks like wintry weather tomorrow, and it would be easy to zone out to some BluRay movie goodness.

Thursday, December 3

People, I can not recommend enough a shortened work week, freakin' seriously. I have, in the span of two days been transformed from a broken shell of a man, who made Ebenezer Scrooge look like Kelly Ripa, to pretty much the same man but with a much better attitude.

I've worked out more in the last three days than the previous three weeks, and feel awesome thanks to it. What I thought was not enough sleep, really turned out to be too much sleep, I swear our dark psychology is as frightening as it is amazing. If you would have asked me if I was depressed, I would've said "no", but I think I'm being proved wrong.

Of course, everything's hunky dory till the first small paycheck shows up, I think I've got the amount figured out, but it's always a shock when you see it in your account.

It just struck me that I literally have nothing to say, need to hit the shower (after my second workout today), then chill out with a protein shake. Peace out people.

Wednesday, December 2

Jotting this down prior to leaving the office today, got verification that my new three-day work week has been approved, and I’m now free to execute my vision. The news came as a bit of a surprise, so I haven’t been able to plan my new schedule, and that’ll be first thing on my plate after tomorrow morning’s workout.

I’ve been living in a mini-limbo for a good nine weeks, not knowing how my life was going to change, was I going to be working a short week? Was I going to pull the trigger and self-finance for a year? I know absolutely nobody would be concerned over my plight, given the state of the economy, having a complaint like “my job won’t cut my hours” is a little tough to defend. But you know what, this is a necessary step for me to evolve past this moment, and into a new moment, and the fact that most people don’t “get it” doesn’t change its importance to me.

Execution is the next, vital step, the first time I pulled this three-day week, I had a car payment, and I had very little stashed away in the war-chest. Now, my costs are basically fixed, and my war-chest is at roughly 1.5 years of living expenses. I have no obstacles. And I’m very excited to put all the learning I’ve done over these four years to the test, to create a new type of life for myself, while completing long overdue projects.

Oh, and I actually woke up on time this morning, and hit the gym. I’m looking forward to the second workout when I get home. I feel like scales have fallen, if not from my eyes, from my psyche, and that this is a proving time for me, to me, and I want to feel some pride in myself.

Tuesday, December 1

UPDATE: I need to give special thanks to my Kitten for gently nudging me at the exact right moment this evening, and getting my ass into the gym. Somewhere between when I wrote the post below, and the time I got off the subway, I'd convinced myself once again, that I didn't have it in me to hit the iron. It's amazing what having a pretty girl mention you should get more exercise does to one's motivation! I love it!

I’m drafting this from the office today, something I’m loathe to do, however I literally have nothing to do. While some may look at this as cause for celebration, I’m not of that mindset, and it annoys me greatly. Be that as it may, I once again didn't get up on time to work out this morning and it’s really becoming a point of concern for me, seriously, three months ago I was a freakin’ machine. Now I’m some kind of comforter junkie, who just wants to find the optimal pillow configuration for relaxation, and listen to the radio that was supposed to wake me.

Alas, I’ll take this opportunity to scoot a little early, and get a workout in this evening. I’m in hopes it’s not too chilly, and I’ll be able to walk to the gym without bits and pieces turning blue and dropping off. This might be the kick-start I need to get my behind out of bed, cuz’ it’s a lot easier to hit the gym early than late.

Speaking of the office, it’s becoming a stone bummer, very quiet, no action to speak of. Hate it! I’ve never had a customer who could use my help so much, care so little to receive that help. But it’s just like junkies, there’s no use trying to help ‘em out till they ask for it.

Monday, November 30

Man, talk about ending the month with a whimper and not a bang, this was one uninspiring 30 days. That being said, my head's in the right place, and execution moving into the holiday season is my mission. Nothing complicated, just workout, write the novel, start the "paint-off" with my nephew, and find center. To that end, need to hop out of bed in the morning, no more of this "outside cold, bed warm, bed win" thinking.

I hate living out stereotypes, but while not a "crisis", I'm certainly experiencing a mid-life malaise. That feeling that whatever's going on, it isn't what "should" be going on. I've spent many years doing the best work I can in pursuit of things not really worthy of that commitment. But they've paid off financially, which is really the only deal that was struck, any kind of personal fulfillment would have been an unexpected by-product. Hey, you make your bets, you take your chances. I live a life most people would kill for, and I'm grateful for it, not it's time to make a new life. Sort of a "Greg 6.0", the previous five versions were great, but have run their course.

Sunday, November 29

I am a sucker for a well turned ankle. Had to follow my baser instincts and enjoy the company of the fairer sex today, while I got all of my chores taken care of, some of my more lofty ambitions were shunted to the side to accommodate Kitten. Great day, Old Town, Taverna Cretecou, river front, street musicians, sunshine, full moon, all good. I have still been unsuccessful in tracking down wiring for the sub-woofer, will need to deal with that this week.

The journal will take a more substantial turn these next few days, need to begin the process of relearning using writing as an expressive medium, as well as document my goals. Also need to get started on the John Singer Sargent homage painting this week, not to mention getting my ass in the gym. Am in hopes the work situation will resolve itself this week, so that I don't have to resolve it unilaterally, which isn't a bad outcome, just not optimal.