Tuesday, April 19: Week 38

This weather (or more to the point, my lust for this weather) is killing the novel. After my morning aerobic workout, I sat in front of the screen that held the novel and stared at it, then saw my neighbor walking her dog Otto. She was home from her kindergarten teaching gig due to illness, and this weather tends to make people linger, so we chatted for awhile while I sat on the sidewalk like a six year old. Came back in and stared at the screen awhile, then saw Jennifer and dog Gracie outside so I bolted for the door again. She's still recovering from her surgery, but was feeling good enough to go out to lunch with her pal April, who she was talking through traffic on her cell. April got there about fifteen minutes later, and we hung out for another thirty minutes or so. It was almost time to hit the gym for my lift, and since I was being so unproductive writing, I decided to include a trip to Hecht's to score some Obsession. The entire distance is about two miles, so I hopped on my bike in hopes I wouldn't be too terribly sweaty when I got there, a hope that was more of a fantasy really. So, dripping like an icsicle too long in the sun I burst into the department store, much to the horror of the other patrons. I don't know what it is about men's fragrance that causes stores to ghettoize it so terribly, but as usual I had to go hunt down a clerk from the bustling women's cosmetics area to transact my business. No tears were shed upon my departure.

I rode the bike the two or so blocks to Golds for my afternoon lift. The delt routine for this workout is pretty savage, but also not too time consuming. So much so I've supplemented it with a trap routine just to stretch it out a little. The whole shebang only took about thirty minutes, so I decided to swing by Susan and Chris' place to see if she was up for a visit (she had surgery too), and was delighted to see her and her sister out on the porch as I rolled up. They were protected by Beau and Lola, forming a pug barrier I was unable to breach. We all had a nice visit, and as we spoke the clouds rolled in, cooling the air. I'll say one thing, those Fallon women are pretty, and I don't think I've ever seen a naval cadet as cute as Susan's sister. I don't know how long I stayed, maybe 45 minutes, maybe more. All I know is the old legs found no joy upon return to pedal duty.

I finished the day off by watching "The Philadelphia Story" on dvd. I don't know how many times I've seen that thing, but it's as close to a perfect film as you can get. I never cease to be delighted by almost every aspect. Well, another day closer to re-employment, and another day of procrastination on the book. But seriously, these lovely Virginia days are few, and I feel I need to drink this beauty deep while I can.

Monday, April 18: Week 38

Only got the 406 words in on the novel, but I was able to finish off the scene that's been dragging on for these few weeks, at least coming scene has more dialog, so it'll come a little faster. Finally dragged my ass back to the gym, and as usual, feel like a million bucks. I have no idea why I get in these moods where I don't go, I love it, it's like I'm punishing myself when I don't go. So retarded. It's my friend Ted's anniversary, and he gave me a call to ask for a ride to score some flowers for his wife Fabiola. Couldn't say no, I can't imagine how nuts I'd get if I were blind and needed to do something so simple but important, just hope I'd have some friends to call to help out. And it gave me a chance to visit his Mom Maria, 83 years of wonderful and nutty babushka. And it's always good to be around her because she's constantly praising me as the best man she's ever known, and how remarkably handsome I am. She rocks. She was getting some powerful anxiety attacks a few weeks ago (which was the last time I saw her) but it looks like the new drugs are doing the trick and she's back to her feisty old Ukrainian self.

Sunday, April 17: Week 38

First big neighborhood "hang" night tonight, beautiful weather bringing all into the courtyard to enjoy the spring evening. Had a chance to catch up with Arnie, he's a Labor Department guy (who I think is a heavy hitter, not sure though) who's going to be retiring in about two weeks. A super cool cat, enjoys his cigars, enjoys being mellow. Now that I think about it, he's got what I would consider to be a dream life, he crashes here in his studio apartment during the week to avoid the nonsense of commuting, then heads home to his lovely wife and home on the weekends. How cool is that? I watch so many marriages crash and burn over what I would consider simple overexposure, and this kind of situation gives everybody some down time. Anyway, also had a guest appearance by old neighbor Chris, who came over to say howdy and have his pug Beau play with local pug Lola, while her owner is in Cabo. Our pal Jennifer is recovering from her surgery, but she wasn't able to come out and join in, but she did sit in her doorway and chat with Chris for awhile, all the while being trampled by Beau, Lola and her own dog Gracie. We met the new neighbor who moved in from Minnesota (trying to keep the dogs from tripping him up as he tried to move his boxes). Maura's boyfriend who we've known for a couple of years, but haven't figured out his name, came out with his $30,000 dollar digital camera, with belt mounted computer interface. And couple Jason and Megan came up bearing personal pizza's from the Hut, and he told us of his day at the Charlestown race track, and the walls of slots. Again, got nothing done on the novel, but I can live with it today.

Saturday, April 16: Week 37

A beautiful friggin' day, and another day of profound lethargy. I'm really getting pissed at myself.

I have to dig down and find some of the mental toughness I earned as a young man. I'm acting like this Odyssey is gonna' last forever, like time has no value. Which is beyond crazy. Time's growing shorter, and all I need to do is look at my checking account if I need a reminder. It's hard to describe how I feel, it's like being a psychotic without the cool lunacy. I know all the logical arguments, the strategic approaches to breaking this nightmarish block, but it ain' workin'. The bottom line is, I need to fall in love with my characters again, and get that excited feeling of "what's gonna' happen next" back. Fear of failure? Fear of success? I don't fucking care, it's fear, and it needs to be respected but put in its place...which is under ambition and my over inflated ego.

Friday, April 15: Week 37

Had an unexpected visit from my pal Dedric today, he's going to run a half marathon in Charlottesville tomorrow, and had to take the circuitous route of flying to DC from Florida in order to hook up with his running partners for the drive down to Jefferson's home. I thought I was going to have lunch with someone I "met" through the Yahoo Personals, however that didn't materialize, so Dedric and I headed out for a little ramble. And ramble we did, all in all I think it was about 5 miles, we headed up the street to Clarendon then hooked around and headed through Rosslyn to Georgetown then back. (As a side note, I had a strange moment during the walk where I received a call from my bud Ted while we were walking, he was calling to check and see if I was going to make his gig next Saturday, I said "maybe" and rung off. I then filled Dedric in on Ted's story, of his recent blindness and subsequent creation of his dream band, and at the exact moment I finished the tale, we swung around the corner right into the back of Teddy. He'd called while he was in the cigar shop, and was headed across the street to the Hilton to catch a cab home. Okay, so it's not that interesting but it did amuse me.) A most excellent time, it's always good to catch up with Dedric, he's on a vaguely parallel track to mine. Where I've "dropped out" to write a novel, he's done the same to complete his PHD. This parallel includes our realization that we have to return to some form of corporate servitude, and it's great to be able to discuss that with someone who "gets it", it's not the kind of thing the random human understands. We hung out at the apartment after our return till 7:00, when we tossed his kit bags into the bed of the truck, and I dropped him off at his running mate's house. Nice day. So nice I almost didn't notice I blew off the novel again.

Thursday, April 14: Week 37

Neighbor April split for a week in Cabo and I find myself in charge of Lola the pug for early am and late pm walking. Nothing like picking up dog poop to remind you of where you sit on the food chain. Also, my neighbor Jennifer had to get some unexpected surgery, and old neighbor Susan had to get some expected surgery. They're both such sweet people, I really hope this short term discomfort (okay, pain) leads to some long term relief.

Cut all of my IRS and State tax electronic checks today, chewing my tongue every step of the way. Ugh, I'm running out of time, the cash seems so much more finite. This was a fairly dark day from a creative standpoint, couldn't even drag myself to the gym. I've got the next scene almost line for line in my mind, but can't seem to bring myself to write it down. I hate this feeling, and everyday I get more respect for guys like Stephen King, and I feel a little worse about dissing his lesser works. Jesus, just knocking out a lesser work is painful. When this whole thing is done, I'll know a lot more about myself, and an art form I've enjoyed since I was a kid. And I know the writers I respect, kicked a hell of a lot more ass than I have. Wish Hammett was still alive, I'd like to imagine he'd read "Black Nouveau" and smile.

Wednesday, April 13: Week 37

Brother, this new workout is slightly more brutal than I thought, that crazy exercise ball ab work was more than embarrassing, it was savage! And today's workout struck me as a little funny, only three exercises and nine sets, but my little girly delts were screaming.

Whatever, the novel's still being annoying, but I think I'm turning a corner. Due to the relative isolation of this new lifestyle, I gave the Yahoo Personal's a spin, and let my subscription expire yesterday. I'm not really sure how I feel about the whole thing yet, but I did learn I'm not cut out for the online medium when it comes to meeting women. I'm just an old school dude, gotta' see, smell, hear before I know what's goin' on, people sound great when they're typin'! Anyway, not a total loss, before I tuned out for the last time I made contact with a nice young woman in Alexandria (after insulting her horribly, I really need to be careful to use more precise language when I write), and hopefully we'll meet up in the near future. Okay, I get to cut the big tax check tomorrow, so I may be gnawing my pillow tonight better get some sleep.

Tuesday, April 12: Week 37

Novel came a little easier today, though still a struggle. First day of the new workout was Quads and Abs, and unexpectedly brutal. Even with the cool weather, I've been using the bike for transport, which really makes you appreciate automobiles. Anyway, nothing much to chat about, hopefully I'll be a little more interesting tomorrow!

Monday, April 11: Week 37

I just realized it was time to switch the workout routine, and need to create the sheets today. Third month of this particular routine, and it's been a good one, though I'm looking forward to finishing off this month. For the summer I'm gonna' fire up the old Arnold workout from his "Education of a Bodybuilder" autobiography. Super primal, very basic, it's great. Strange day today, still pretty but the chill has returned to the air.

Sunday, April 10: Week 37

Oh My God, I got my birthday carrot cake today! The proximity of Easter and just random apathy conspired to deny me a legit family birthday celebration this year. The thing to know about me, above all else, it there is nothing that makes me happier than my annual cake from my mother. Forget cards, forget gifts, forget parties (all of which I love), as long as Ma' comes through with the cake, I'm good to go. Since we couldn't get a family gathering together, the 'rents were nice enough to come out and take me to brunch at Harry's Tap Room up the street. Very tasty. And always a pleasure to catch up with my parents, I really feel for people who have antagonistic relationships with family, and consider myself very fortunate to have been spared such shenanigans. Anyway, it was a great day, and as I'm typing this, I'm staring at my spectacle of a cake, mmmmmm caaaake.

Saturday, April 9: Week 36

Excellent day. Spectacular spring weather, falling on the opening of the Cherry Blossom Festival in DC. Around 10:00 I was in the courtyard playing with the dogs, and chatting up the neighbors. I was on my way to the gym, but neighbor Bryce's girlfriend was off to brunch with the girls, and we decided to walk across the river and hit the Blossoms. It was really spectacular, you can see some pics from this page. After the spectacle of the blooms, I wanted to hit the comic shop in Georgetown, and was informed by Bryce that the path on the DC side of the river wound all the way to the waterfront. Knowledge that would have saved me many hours in the past. Anyway, he got a call from the woman tellin' him it was time to come home, so we split up in G-Town. There was a college crew regatta in progress, and it was great to see the athletes primed for action. I scored some comics, and walked on home. After a good four hours on foot, I was sorely tempted to bail on my lift, but then I remembered I bailed the day before, so I guilted myself into it. So I climbed on the bike and hit the gym for the Quad, Bi, Tri workout. I hate to be such a gym purist, but there was a guy reading some literary fiction (the book "Prep") between sets, which was just wrong! Lifting is primal, animal, blood-pumping action, and pencil-neck fiction has no place! Too much friggin' multi-tasking going on around here.

Friday, April 8: Week 36

Got in my aerobics at 7:00 this morning, but blew off the leg routine in the afternoon. I'm really frustrated with my lack of progress on the book, and there's nothing more ridiculous than a big man sitting in front of a computer hour after hour staring at the last sentence. I gotta' shake this off, cuz' when I cut that check for the taxes on Thursday, the end is neigh for this Odyssey, and the book is only one part of the plan. Wish me luck!

Thursday, April 7: Week 36

God! Writer's Block sucks! I did have an excellent lift today, and the bike ride to the gym felt great, a winter in the gym makes you forget the delights of human powered travel. I found myself possessed of the need for TastykakeCream Filled Buttercream Iced Cupcakes after my lift, which was the last thing I needed. Didn't stop me from cruising by the Giant on the way home, very moist from my lift, frightening small children with my behemoth appearance. It's a sad comment that coffee and cupcakes bring me such pleasure, but I won't apologize dammit! Mmmmmm, buttercream....

Wednesday, April 6: Week 36

Having a difficult time getting the prose to come out. The next few phases of the novel are very well mapped out, but I'm gettin' no momentum. The weather is getting into that spectacular zone, that I've only felt in VA, good god spring rocks! I've gotten the old bike out of the winter mothballs (well, leaning against the wall in my bedroom), and done the seasonal greasing and chain maintenance, time to roll.

Tuesday, April 5: Week 36

Okay, I've learned my lesson. I'm past the end of the beginning, and am entering the beginning of the end of my Odyssey and it's time to drop the hammer. My birthday was on Friday, and I've been enjoying an extended period of sloth and face stuffing for the past five days. All the while being reminded that the clock's ticking, my tax debacle bringing that in sharp focus, and soon I'll be wearing the red power tie of the corporate hooker. But when I do, I'll have the novel, and a few good months of visual art under my belt. However, looking at the word count of the novel, it's clear I need to redo the "Goals and Manifesto" section once more, having missed my first two deadlines. Whatever, that's my problem, let me tell you 'bout the last few days...

April 1, the big birthday, but more importantly the opening day of "Sin City" a film I've been salivating over for months. I conned my friends Pierre and Jenny into joining me for the 1:20 show, got perfect seats, awesome. Best birthday ever. Got home, and was mostly useless, taking calls from family and friends sending best wishes on making it another year. Had pretty much figured the day was over by 8:00, but was delighted when my old neighbors Susan and Chris (with Pug Beau in tow) arrived with cake in hand. Wonderful visit with them was brought to an end when my new neighbors knocked on the door with pleas for jumper cables, their car having gone dead in the middle of our rather busy street. Pouring rain ensued as we all huddled around trying to remember if it was positive or negative that needed to be grounded. Those poor kids, they'd been moving in all day in a deluge, and this was a hell of a capper. But they got going, and I dragged my soaked carcass inside for some blissful sleep.

April 2, dinner with Teddy and Fabiola at an amazing French place, oh my god what a wonderful dinner. This was a day of profound sloth.

April 3, daylight saving time, only losing an hour of sleep you would think I just got a flight from a month in Jakarta. I'm such a wuss. I dragged my can to the gym for an uninspired bit of exercise. Then got a call from the above mentioned Chris who wants to go to "Sin City" because I raved about it so much. Caught the 2:20 show and was pretty much ruined for the day, that movie rocks. Watched the Final Four till I passed out around 10:30.

April 4, lunch with the lovely Sharon Cassidy, my old friend from my days as a working man. So nice to catch up with her. After getting home, it struck me it had been a week since I wrote anything on the novel. Fear and Loathing overwhelmed me, and I put together outlines for the next few scenes just to get my head back into it.

Woke this morning to find an email from an online friend I made a few years ago, whom I've met, wishing me a happy belated birthday and informing me she was planning on committing suicide after her daughters wedding and getting in one last vacation. This freaked me out, and I sent a note asking her to talk to her family and healthcare professionals before contemplating such a step. Didn't know what else to do. Haven't heard back from her, and I hope I do soon. This put me in a foul humor for the day, felt a little better after my workout, but it hangs over me like wool in August.